@Infertility

Beat Infertility

October 6, 2017

I really dislike this whole push behind the idea that I could “beat infertility” by just having a baby or becoming a parent. I think it sets the stage for further disappointment down the road. When you’ve resolved your infertility and BOOM, some rando announces they are preggo and it was just “so easy”.

In flushes the jealousy, upset, anger, frustration, sadness, etc that comes with being an infertile. Because the dirty little secret is that however you resolve your infertility, you still were infertile, and you still are infertile. Your story will never be one of “oops I didn’t even know I was ovulating”. Because we ALWAYS know when we’re ovulating.

That’s not to say there aren’t infertile ladies out there that end up with an “oops baby”. (I despise this term btw, there’s nothing oops about having sex and getting pregnant). There are. Even the oops pregnancy doesn’t wipe away the struggle and pain caused by infertility. And we’re still infertile after.

Not only that, but the entire premise revolves around the idea that we will all get pregnant, give birth, and have take home babies and this is simply untrue. And for those that don’t get a take-home baby, or end up parenting, they aren’t failing at “beating” their infertility. They are simply beating it on another path.

We need to embrace the real idea that beating infertility has everything to do with owning the disease and moving through the disease and finding peace daily. That that is truly beating infertility, and nothing else will bring us there. It will be a lifelong struggle, but one we are prepared to face because we’re at peace with the road we’re on.

1 Comment

  • Reply Wendy October 7, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    Thank you for this. Writing about your pain with so much strength and grace means you’ve beat infertility. I would love you to check about my web series, How To Buy A Baby, about a couple going through a round of IVF. I wrote it while in the depths of pain, unsure if I would ever get to love a child. And I never considered becoming a mother “beating” infertility. I felt like I did by writing about it!

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